My Story...
ENDURE–verb
...to continue to exist; last
Where to begin? I guess the beginning is a great place to start! My childhood had some of the best and some of the worse times of my life. My biological father abused me from infancy (he confessed to) till I was 21 years of age. The abuse included sexual and emotional abuse. There were many days I would contemplate..."Why me". Well it wasn't just me, he was abusing other as well. My brother, my mother, my cousins, and their could be others, but not sure. He played games--terrible horrific games, he touched a child in ways a child should never experience, he talked to me like an adult at age 6, he was horribly horrific in every sense of the imagination. Sneaking into my room at night when everyone else in the house was asleep, threatening and violent, he had total control over my life. Intercourse began at a very early age. Horrible, horrible things. Sex wasn't talked about in our home, so to have this going on in secrecy -- as a young child -- and being told that if anyone ever finds out that you won't see your mother again -- is way too much for a child. This was a person that was suppose to protect me, love me, and show me what life was about -- but not at this level.
My biological father was a decorated Army soldier. He was smart, he was educated, and he was highly calculated, manipulative, and violent. This can happen to anyone. No one suspected him, no one. In 1994 he was convicted and served 11 years in the state penitentary. The sexual abuse continued for years. I don't remember a time that there wasn't abuse. I don't remember there being a good time -- where he was involved.
The best year of my childhood is when he was stationed in Korea for a year. There was no worries, no sleepless nights, no lies, I got to be a kid. He was manipulative, calculated, violent -- he was a master at what he did. The manipulation of all of us.
Now my life is no longer controlled by him..... I just want to share that you can have a life too. That you can LIVE and SURVIVE and THRIVE! There are days when it is still so fresh and painful and overwhelming. Times when I wish I could go back and get some of my childhood back. Then there are many other days that are just normal everyday days. I know that what happened to me has made me who I am today.
This has been my dream for quite sometime.....to find my VOICE and share my story so that other survivors can realize that they are survivors, to help seekers find their VOICE, and to help those that are ready---to FORGIVE and start to LIVE. Not just survivors of childhood abuses/incest, but anyone who hasn't found their voice, their dreams, or their life.
This is my hope and prayer for each and everyone of you.
Contact me : pennie@myultimateforgiveness.com
...to continue to exist; last
Where to begin? I guess the beginning is a great place to start! My childhood had some of the best and some of the worse times of my life. My biological father abused me from infancy (he confessed to) till I was 21 years of age. The abuse included sexual and emotional abuse. There were many days I would contemplate..."Why me". Well it wasn't just me, he was abusing other as well. My brother, my mother, my cousins, and their could be others, but not sure. He played games--terrible horrific games, he touched a child in ways a child should never experience, he talked to me like an adult at age 6, he was horribly horrific in every sense of the imagination. Sneaking into my room at night when everyone else in the house was asleep, threatening and violent, he had total control over my life. Intercourse began at a very early age. Horrible, horrible things. Sex wasn't talked about in our home, so to have this going on in secrecy -- as a young child -- and being told that if anyone ever finds out that you won't see your mother again -- is way too much for a child. This was a person that was suppose to protect me, love me, and show me what life was about -- but not at this level.
My biological father was a decorated Army soldier. He was smart, he was educated, and he was highly calculated, manipulative, and violent. This can happen to anyone. No one suspected him, no one. In 1994 he was convicted and served 11 years in the state penitentary. The sexual abuse continued for years. I don't remember a time that there wasn't abuse. I don't remember there being a good time -- where he was involved.
The best year of my childhood is when he was stationed in Korea for a year. There was no worries, no sleepless nights, no lies, I got to be a kid. He was manipulative, calculated, violent -- he was a master at what he did. The manipulation of all of us.
Now my life is no longer controlled by him..... I just want to share that you can have a life too. That you can LIVE and SURVIVE and THRIVE! There are days when it is still so fresh and painful and overwhelming. Times when I wish I could go back and get some of my childhood back. Then there are many other days that are just normal everyday days. I know that what happened to me has made me who I am today.
This has been my dream for quite sometime.....to find my VOICE and share my story so that other survivors can realize that they are survivors, to help seekers find their VOICE, and to help those that are ready---to FORGIVE and start to LIVE. Not just survivors of childhood abuses/incest, but anyone who hasn't found their voice, their dreams, or their life.
This is my hope and prayer for each and everyone of you.
Contact me : pennie@myultimateforgiveness.com
